Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
