Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
