If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's shark week go big or go home
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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