The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.