What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.