I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand