Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.