girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
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You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY