thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...