on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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