Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
God, I missed his penis.
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