Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
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He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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