god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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