I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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