Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
