I just pynch a tree in the face
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
