8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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