he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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