so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
