i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
