Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just pee around me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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