someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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