I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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