Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
