Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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