Soap is not a condiment
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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