Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
