I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize