Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
