Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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