OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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