Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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