Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
