If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
