Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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