RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
