Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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