remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
