redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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