Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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