Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
