Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
