I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
