she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You need Xanax blowdarts
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
