I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
