I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
