We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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