some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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