He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The air was thick with penises
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
