We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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