remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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