So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
