Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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