You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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