his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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