Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
