Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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