Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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