When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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