what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
