she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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