Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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