I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
