Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
